You Don’t Have to Become Enough. You Already Are.
- Nava Narayani
- Jun 3
- 3 min read
By Nava Narayani, MA, LPC, MFT-C
Have you ever found yourself wondering, deep down, “Am I enough?”
It’s a quiet question, but a powerful one. For many people I work with in therapy, this question lingers just beneath the surface—showing up as anxiety in relationships, perfectionism, people-pleasing, or a tendency to push others away before they get too close. It’s the voice that whispers, “If they really knew me, they’d leave.”
The belief that we’re “not enough” doesn’t come from nowhere. It’s learned—usually early in life, from caregivers, culture, or life experiences that taught us love had to be earned. Maybe you had to be the good one. The strong one. The quiet one. The achiever. The caretaker. Maybe being your full, messy, emotional self didn’t feel safe.
Over time, we internalize the message:
“I am only lovable if I perform, please, succeed, or hide the parts of me that feel too much.”
But here’s the truth:
You don’t have to become enough.
You already are.
Being “enough” isn’t about being perfect, confident, productive, or endlessly kind.
It’s about being human. Whole. Messy. In progress.
It’s about knowing that your needs matter. Your voice matters.
*Your presence is enough of a gift*
What does it mean to feel like you’re not enough?
When someone carries the wound of “not enough,” it often shows up in these ways:
Constantly comparing yourself to others
Feeling like a burden when you have needs
Sabotaging relationships out of fear of being “found out”
Never feeling satisfied, no matter how much you accomplish
Struggling to believe you’re lovable without earning it
These patterns are painful—but they’re not permanent. They were your brain’s way of protecting you. Your brain (and nervous system) learned to adapt to get love, safety, or connection in the ways that were available. If being your full self wasn’t safe (emotionally or physically), your system said:
“Okay, I’ll hide that part.”
“I’ll be extra good.”
“I’ll never ask for too much.”
These behaviors weren’t flaws—they were protective mechanisms designed to help you survive emotional risk, especially in childhood or relational trauma. Here's a compassionate reframe to offer yourself: Instead of “what’s wrong with me?” → “this was a wise, protective response.”
Now, as an adult, those strategies may be outdated or limiting—but they were once your best available option. And now, you get to heal them.
What makes someone “enough”?
This is the heart of it:
You are enough simply because you exist.
Your value is not something you have to prove or perform into. It was never meant to be conditional.
You are not your productivity. You are not your trauma. You are not your coping strategies.
You are you—and that is enough.
Do you know how wild the probability was for your specific soul to manifest on this earth?? You are a gift to this earth, simply as you are.
How healing happens
Healing the “not enough” wound isn’t about faking confidence or fixing yourself. It’s about:
Learning to recognize the critical inner voice—and gently question it.
Practicing self-compassion when the old shame stories come up.
Letting yourself be seen by others in safe, trusting relationships.
Rewriting your inner narrative through therapeutic work and real-life moments of belonging.
Accepting yourself absolutely exactly as you are right now- no blinders! And at the same time, strive everyday for your self-growth goals. This balance is crucial!
In therapy, we explore what shaped your self-worth, and we build new ways of relating to yourself. You don’t have to do this alone.
A gentle invitation
Take a breath.
Place a hand on your heart.
And say to yourself:
“I am worthy of love, just as I am. I don’t have to do more or be more. I am enough.”
Visualize these words going into a tiny seed of light into the center of your chest and plant it there. Keep watering it with each recitation of these positive affirmations until it takes root and this new thought tree grows within you. You got this!
And if this is something you’re ready to explore more deeply, I’m here.
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