As social creatures, we are wired to attach and bond, which is why break ups can be so painful. We don't biologically have a good system for de-wiring so it can feel more like a tearing of the heart and nervous system. But, if you want to play with love, I believe you also need the ability to handle a break up. In this playful post, I list out 14 break up styles I've seen and experienced. Let me know which ones you've been through and what you'd add!
Let me down slowly: you prep your monologue. You care about their feelings while tending to your unmet needs and boundaries. Perhaps you meet at a park where you can sit in the grass and watch each other's tears fall. On the way home you play Let Me Down Slowly by Benjamin Alec.
The slow fade: no one wants to say it, but the calls and texts mutually die down until...
Door Slam: you're completely fed up, overprocessed, disgusted, and DONE. Goodbye never felt so final.
Dynamite: this is when you go into Destroyer mode. Whatever your spirituality is, you embody the archetype of destroyer energy and blow everything up. Maybe wreck some material objects of theirs, tear them down verbally, or visualize the image of your life together burning in the fires of karmic resolution. With a sly smirk spreading across your face... Check out these goddesses of destruction from around the world for inspiration. Or play Heartless by Kanye West and pretend he's talking about you ;)
Lawful: someone royally fucked up and you want justice. Or they're terrifying and you can't do it on your own. So people in authority come in as back up support.
Tear the contract: the marriage agreement is torn and the divorce papers signed. A hefty storybook closes and the next is unwritten.
Ghost: one person disappears and stops responding and the other is left to create their story as to why. Feelin' Hello by Adele.
Handshake, good game: you equally have grievances about the other but you're tired of fighting and not reaching each other, so with all due respect, good game. You could sing the argument for both sides at this point. Feels a little like, Somebody That I Used To Know by Gyote.
Blame it on Pluto: you can't pinpoint the reason why it's not working, but you feel it in your soul it's just not meant to be. The stars simply aren't aligned in this lifetime for us.
Lingering: you know you should break up, buttttttttttttttttttttttt... that's hard and sad and scary and being single sucks. So you linger.
Rose colored glasses and wistful window gazing: you did it, you broke through the crux of the break up, but on the other side you find you've got so much time alone and now looking back was it really all that bad? Weren't we so close? If they could've just...
Oh, we're not together. We still do everything we did while dating, but we're definitely not together and it's totally clear to both of us.
Convenience: You're moving to France! And long distance just isn't for you so, it's not going to work out. Bye!
I'll always love you: and the tears never stop flowing. My friends are making me a canoe to stay afloat. Feeling My Immortal by Evanescence.
What's your go to break up song?
Jokes aside, break ups can be hard no matter which end of the stick you're on. Give yourself some grace during this transitional period and liminal space. Connect with your support network, do things that give you joy, reflect on the relationship without getting swallowed up in it, and allow the emotions to roll through like ocean waves. Maybe make some art and show your therapist :)
If you want support navigating a break up, reach out to me anytime here.
Image by Jakob Rosen